Promises

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

Title: Promises
Characters/Pairings: DG/Cain
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: Character death.
Summary: It was a promise he couldn't keep.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

So this is my first week in the fandom. Whoop! I wrote this while in my Engineering class this morning (read: I am NOT a writer) and the plot just wouldn't leave me alone. Constructive criticism is welcomed but seeing as how I'm not much of a writer I don't know how much use it'll go to. Thanks for reading!


There was a quick knock on the dark oak door which resounded throughout the hall before Jeb’s head through. "My Queen? Might I request a private audience with you?"

Queen Lavender stole a quick glance at DG on her left said. "We do not keep secrets in this throne, Mr. Cain, but please come in," she said with a smile.

Jeb entered the room fully, his shaking nerves obvious. He must have come to them straight from the front lines because he still donned his body armor and his pants were splattered with more than one donation of blood. "Your highnesses, we have secured the Eastern Front but it was not without a heavy cost; we lost more than fifty men… including Commander Cain," he finished softly.

DG rose from her seat in a flash, rushing to the young man, her blue eyes raging. "What do you mean you lost Cain? Where is he?!"

"I’m sorry Deej, really I-"

"Is this a joke? Because it isn’t funny!"

"I was there, D, I saw him fall…"

"Is he in his room? Did he send you here to scare me?" DG ran to the door, throwing it open before running down the stairs to Cain’s room in the palace. "Wyatt! Wyatt Cain you get out here this instant!" a tinge of hysteria creeping into her voice. "Cain!"

She knocked on his door before barging in and looking frantically for any sight of the ex-Tin Man. "Wyatt?" she cried softly upon finding it empty.

Jeb pulled her up into a hug as she cried harder into his shirt. "He can’t be gone. He can’t. He promised… He promised to come back to me…"

"I’m so sorry DG…" he whispered into her hair and she clung to him harder still. "It wasn’t a promise he could keep."

Comments

[erinm-4600.livejournal.com]

Nicely done! :)

[n-e-star.livejournal.com]

If this was your first story, then I can't wait to read your second (or tenth).

Good job!!!

[diesa-j.livejournal.com]

Wow this was just amazing.

[trystan830.livejournal.com]

i started to read, but when you said "we lose more than fifty men… including Commander Cain" (which should be "we lost more than fifty men," btw) i stopped reading. (although i did kinda scan the rest, knowing what was to come

here's my "constructive criticism": while it's fine your pairing says Cain/DG, you also need a warning for "Character Death" - because there are a few things i do not read (my own personal rule), and this is one of them. Angst is a good warning, and while "Character Death" may be considered spoilery for the fic, i do think it's needed.

but overall, what i did read, was well-written.

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, my bad! Thanks for pointing those out to me, I went and fixed them. My apologies about the warning, that didn't even dawn on me.

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

Haha, we'll see if any plot bunnies visit anytime soon. It really was just a spur of the moment thing while reviewing thermodynamics (the bane of my existance!).

[trystan830.livejournal.com]

you're quite welcome!

there are other things that are good to warn against too - such as pairings, like Cain/DG or Cain/Glitch - cause i'll read Cain/DG, but not the other.

as you said, you're new to the fandom.... welcome! :D

[ex-nadeshiko480.livejournal.com]

Nicely done for your first story! I can't wait to read more from you!

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks, I appreciate it!

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you!

[smartoompaa.livejournal.com]

You did great, first story is always scariest to post, trust me i know i just recently started posting, but you did a fabulous job and i can't wait to see more from you!

[feldspars.livejournal.com]

Thanks. After I posted this I was like, "Ack! No! Delete! Delete! It's no good!"

[smartoompaa.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad you didn't delete it, it was really good. The first time I kept getting comments that i was doing something wrong, or i was forgeting tags or something, i still struggle with that, but i know i loved actually having a comment about my writing, so you did great! Keep posting, I want more!