Breach (1/4)

[effie214.livejournal.com]

Title: Breach
Author: Effie214
Characters/Pairing: DG, Cain, Azkadellia, Raw, Kalm; mentions of Glitch and the Queen. DG/Cain angst.
Rating: PG-13 (for words my mom thinks I shouldn't know.)
Summary: He'd left of his own volition, and here she was, rushing back to his side.
Warnings: Welcome aboard the SS Angst.
Disclaimer: The characters herein do not belong to me. No infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: This is a follow up to Judas. It would probably help to read that first.

This fic is completed, and will be posted in four parts over the coming days.

Eternal praise to the indescribably talented chichuri, without whom this piece would be an unmitigated mess, and, in all honesty, would probably still be sitting on my hard drive. I don't have the words to thank you enough for all your hard work, invaluable insight, phenomenal creativity and endless patience.

Thanks also to alamo_girl80and queenof1000days, who keep me laughing and who give me much needed kicks in the butt when my ambivalence threatens to get the better of me. 

The title comes from a line in the Nickel Creek song "Sabra Girl".  It had a hand in inspiring this follow up.

Feedback is loved, adored and hung on my fridge.

And now, on with the show.  

Each morning, without fail, DG stood at her bedroom window, staring down as filtered sunlight illuminated the approaching front lines like spotlights on a stage. The brightness and warmth of the suns’ rays were blinding, an attempt to hide the bitter, biting reality that they were fighting a losing battle.

It was a ritual she found an odd comfort in, something she had come to rely on when she’d found every other constant in her life had gone away. She knew the danger of being exposed, but found she could not walk away.

In fact, the princess pressed herself so closely to the glass that anyone with a romantic heart would have supposed she was trying to see her one true love among the sea of warriors, bodies, and death that had overtaken the once beautiful landscape of her kingdom. Perhaps she was trying to convince herself that True Love would survive this neverending, encroaching battle, and he would soon ride through wind and rain and dead of night just to hold her in his arms once again.

War was an accepted reason for separation. It implied sacrifice, that True Love had been wrenched from her grasp before being forced to leave, that he’d fought tooth and nail to stay by her side. It spoke of the foolish notion that he’d professed his undying love before risking his life to save hers, and that their timeless adoration of the other would sustain them across all constructs of time and space.

What Romantic Heart wouldn’t have realized was that it wasn’t this uncivil war that had taken True Love away from her. Instead, he’d left of his own accord, forced to flee from, and by, her.

As DG held herself against the cold pane, she wondered how she could have been so naïve, so stupid to believe that the magic of the O.Z. would give her a happy ending. The assumption that she and Cain would fall into each other had come as naturally as breathing; together they’d slayed the dragon, and, thanks to all the stories she’d heard as a girl, she’d expected her knight in shining armor to ride in on his white steed, hang on to her, and never let go.

What an idiot she was. A lovestruck little girl, full of hero worship, delving blindly and headlong into her feelings with barely a second thought. She’d gambled everything she’d had, and he’d called her bluff.

She’d plunged headfirst into the water, expecting a hot spring and instead receiving an icy shock to her system. She hadn’t taken a deep enough breath before she dove, and upon impact had been stunned out of any movement. She was left fighting the tide by herself, no lifeline or shore in sight, the weight of the world and water trying to force her under.

The first weeks after Cain’s departure had been especially difficult, stained with her inability to put their final conversation out of her mind, and tainted by the vision of her Tin Man’s retreating back. Even the little sleep forced upon her only by exhaustion had been blemished. The hurtful words he’d said to her repeated over and over until the dream DG had shut him up the only way she could think of--by putting him back in the Iron Maiden.

His screams were muffled by the prison at first, and were then muted by her own horrified cries.

She’d avoided sleep like oncoming death after that dream. In truth, she’d started to avoid most of what she had once considered normalcy. Things in her life had been the antithesis of the serene ending she’d hoped for--and expected--since her reunification with her family, but at least she’d had Cain as a refuge.

He had been her lifeline for so long. He’d been the person who kept her tethered to her sanity, tightening his hold when hers faltered. When he left, the tumultuous water in which she was drowning swept her so the shoreline was no longer in sight.

She’d attempted to distract herself from the nightmare she laughingly called her daily life, tried in vain to find a new form of solace. She tried to spend time with her sister, but, impossibly, found it hurt even worse to be around the now frail older woman. The hopelessness and responsibility DG knew was written on her face was echoed tenfold in Azkadellia’s eyes. If she stayed too long, DG knew she’d turn to stone under the heavy, Medusa-like stare. It was easier not to look.

Just as she had with Cain, she had let go of Az; DG, not the Witch, had been the impetus behind all the terrible things that had happened in the O.Z. DG was the reason her parents had been separated for so long. DG was the reason Ambrose had been turned into Glitch.

She wore her guilt like a cloak. In time it became her only companion, one she hid behind as the emotional maelstrom enveloped her. She was adrift, lost in the darkness, a million hands grabbing at her, but none grabbing for her.

She’d learned fairly quickly that mere distraction was not going to suffice to dull her constant ache. Instead, she sought distance and separation, steeling herself away alone in the darkness for her own protection, and for the safety of those around her.

She knew her family and friends were confused and concerned as she withdrew, each reaching out in their own way to pull her back from the precipice. But their unwavering love and support only made her feel all the worse; she could deal with her own sorrow and shame, learn to accept them, but found she was overwhelmed by other people’s pity and pain.

She’d fought against being pulled back as the first battles broke out around Central City, some three weeks after Cain left her. Her parents and sister insisted they needed her help, and DG had relented after a few days. For all the trouble she’d caused, perhaps this was the road necessarily traveled to make things right.

She’d channeled what little energy she had left into being involved in the planning of troop movements and missions, and analyzing all intelligence moving through the castle. Trying to fix annuals of darkness with war struck her as both a welcome diversion and painfully ironic. Later, she had acknowledged--but only in the recesses of her solitude--that her initial involvement was to ensure that she‘d know if Cain showed up on the daily lists of the wounded and dead.

DG’s involvement in the War Bureau Office, as she called it, also forced her to quell the replaying doubts still lingering in her mind and soul and reminded her how to stand on her own two feet. She found she was good at assisting in the planning; strategy and patience superseded the blind and frank stupidity that had carried her for so long.

As the weeks turned to months, gone was the young woman who’d charged into a throng of Longcoats with only a stick. Gone was the girl who was as easily read as a picture book. During the day, she was a firm but guiding hand, purposeful and unwavering as steel. Self-doubt turned to self-assurance and reliance. As time progressed, so did she; DG started to fill the shoes that were her birthright. They were uncomfortable at first, ill-fitting, but just as she had since being dropped in the O.Z., the princess started to adapt, finding her footing. Necessity dictated the doubting Thomas within her be relegated to a few fleeting, often unbidden, moments of analysis as she sat alone each night.

She’d thought once that all that lay between her and Cain had been a whimsical, albeit illogical, construct of destiny, faith, and attraction. Now she wondered if it wasn’t more rooted in loneliness, debt, or dependence.

He’d brought organization to her life. She reigned chaos over his existence. Nothing could bind such two opposites together. Not love, not devotion, not necessity.

Fate had thrown them together. Obligation kept them there. Reality pulled them apart.

DG pulled herself from the black of her watery grave, hard-fought understanding and acceptance providing her the small relief she‘d searched so long for. She was tired from trying to stay afloat all alone, but in finding a final burst of energy and a tethered lifeline of her own making to hang on to, she found her legs again and kicked as hard as she could. She swam for herself and discovered the waters were not nearly as uncharted as she thought they’d been.

She’d survived before, and she’d survive again. One day at a time. One step at a time. Towards what, she was unsure, but she was doing it on her own.

She desperately wished she could lie to herself and say that if she’d known that it would turn out like this, that she’d lose not only her future with Cain, but the friendship of their past, she wouldn’t have said anything. She wouldn’t have wasted her time, her energy, or her heart.

DG was many things--a daughter, a sister, a fighter--but a liar she was not. She found she was proud of that.

There was a part of her that knew she should still be waiting for him to come to his senses, for him to come back to her, but she was nothing if not resilient, and she pressed forward in her daily life as she could not in the gazebo four months before, when he’d walked away and she’d let him.

The majority of her, after mourning what would never be, locked away the rejection, anger and affection she felt for him and she forged a new path, a new life. And yet she still stared out the window each morning, the silence in her bedroom broken only by the loud rumblings of approaching mayhem. Thick, swirling smoke, looking not unlike the twister that had brought her to this place, danced threateningly across the horizon. The normally clear view hazed over in a disturbing combination of orange, red and casualty.

On this particular morning, she noticed the gunpowder shift ominously in the billowing wind, and the words her mother had ingrained in her so long ago sprang unbidden to her mind: A storm is coming.

Time to get to work, DG thought to herself, pushing herself away from the window and her ruminations. As the younger princess opened the door to head to the War Bureau, she collided with her sister, whose hand was raised to knock.

The apology DG was poised to attempt died halfway between her throat and her lips as she realized the despair in her sister‘s eyes had changed; it was now laced with panic. “Az, what’s wrong?”

The elder princess had to clear her throat and eyes of the unshed tears before she could continue. “You need to come with me.”

DG stiffened, tension locking her body. “What happened, Az? You’re scaring me.”

There were no words to break this kind of news, no way to soften the blow, and both women knew it. The room remained heavily still as Azkadellia handed over the piece of paper she held in her trembling hands.

DG’s agonized scream shook the castle like the battle outside could not.

Comments

[magickboxgirl.livejournal.com]

Ummm I so hate cliffies what happens what happens

[azkadelliacain.livejournal.com]

ummm methinks cain died or was severly wounded ....why do I not feel bad since he didn't fight 4 her...maybe it was his son that got hurt/killed...i need a another chapter!!!!

[n-e-star.livejournal.com]

I love and hate it at the same time.


Oh, the angst! Why must I love to read you!

[tardisinthesgc.livejournal.com]

OMG!!! *bashes computer in frustration at the cliffhanger* wait, that won't help...*apologizes to computer* wait, I'm apologizing to a computer. I'm losing it...please post part 2 soon before I start destroying more things!!!

[smartoompaa.livejournal.com]

I agree, I need more before I go insane!