Crack for Cain 9? Maybe 8.5

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

 Character/Pairings: Cain/DG
Rating: PG?

Warnings/Spoilers: Um...Tom Cruise?
Summary: Crack!Fic, it could be really horrible. I'd have no idea. I need sleep.
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Tin Man 'verse. Nothing and no one. Because (at the moment) I'm playing only with the Sci-Fi original characters.
By:

 transgenic_girl

Demanded by inspired by:

erinm_4600   

 

Wyatt Cain was fuming, and he was just about ready to strangle himself three Ladies-in-Waiting. Forget everything his father had drilled into him about never striking a woman. These were not women. They were the evil spawn of a mobat and a feathered munchkin, and needed to be put down for the sake of the entire O.Z.

Killing them would be a service to the Crown.

"Maybe Cain's gay."

The statement from a room just ahead nearly made the man stumble in shock. What the...?!

"Uh huh." Another female voice agreed. "I'm starting to think so too."

What? Come on! Pressing himself against the wall outside the open door, the blonde man strained to hear the entire conversation. Even if he could not see which of the three women was saying what. Maybe he had misunderstood them. Maybe ‘gay’ meant something entirely different on the other side.

"Gay?"

"You know...of the man loving man persuasion. He who doth not like the ladies. A whoopsie." Snickers sounded at the last one. "A fairy who is not of the Fae, homosexual, a joy boy, a Sam, a Mary, , a midnight cowboy, a poof, a King Lear, a Dilly, a Top..."

"A top?"

"Please like he would be a bottom? With his in your face masculinity?" A deep breath. "A bronco buster, a butch, a canned fruit, a closet case, a cubiche, a Greek..."

"Come on," one interrupted, unknowingly echoed the subject of their conversation’s thoughts. "He was married. He has a son..."

The other two scoffed in unison, making Cain grimace in indignation. "As delicious as the fruit of his loins is," they all paused to giggle at the naughty sounding phrase. "That doesn’t mean anything."

"Yeah, just look at Tom Cruise." A loud disgusted wet gasp sounded from the speaker. "Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little just now."

The other two snickered. "Classy Erin."

Cain could not believe how lightly they were taking this topic. He was not gay! Not that there was anything wrong with men who were attracted to other men. Just, he was not one of them. And he had not heard of nearly any of the terms that one woman had listed off in a giggle.

"Still," another tried to reason. "Isn’t that jumping the gun a little?"

"Seriously, look at DG." There must have been some sort of gesture because the room fell silent for a moment. "She’s really pretty, and he doesn’t even notice!"

"Pretty? A bit of an understatement." The Captain of Royal Security currently eavesdropping out in the hallway silently agreed. "I mean please, if I were a guy, I would totally go for her. Or was really drunk." A pause, then the voice sounded exasperated. "I said really drunk, geez."

Outside Cain made a mental note to keep the Ladies away from any kind of alcohol.

"So Cain’s gay..." one depressed sounding voice finally gave in. Three identical sighs sounded.

"Hey!" Another piped up, "Y’know what this means?"

"I need to spend some time with Steven?" and at the exact same time. "I need to get Jeb naked?"

"No...well, yeah. Damn, I need a guard and some blueberry pie..."

"Swirl!" One of the other voices cried sharply, interrupting the ‘mmmm’ noise from the other girl. "What were you gonna say?"

"Oh! Um...oh yeah, we can find him a nice guy? And one for Deeg of course."

"Aw..." the other two fawned. "We do love matchmaking."

Outside Cain pounded his head against the wall.

A/N: -to Dominic, cause I love your flaming high tenor behind. In a strictly straight girl-gay man way

Comments

[n-e-star.livejournal.com]

Holy Smeg! That's awesome!!!!

So now Cain has to try to fight off DG's suitor as well as his own!!!!!!

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

Rofl.

Omg, that makes horribly evil things pop into my head...

bwahahaha

[n-e-star.livejournal.com]

That is my joy in life!

[thursdays-girl.livejournal.com]

They were the evil spawn of a mobat and a feathered munchkin, and needed to be put down for the sake of the entire O.Z.

Chortle chortle. Thank you!

I am seeing the O.Z. version of the Dating Game. Oh, this will be wonderful!

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

I can see Cain going 'Get the EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE away from me before I shoot you. You're confident in your sexuality, yeah, I get that. Good for you. But I don't like men....I WILL SHOOT YOU!'

[thursdays-girl.livejournal.com]

Can you imagine it? With Glitch as one of BOTH their potentials? Awkward three person date.

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

Omg. That would be totally and completely awkward.

[tardisinthesgc.livejournal.com]

*giggles* love it! can't wait for more. *looks around* where's more? *eye twitches*

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

I'm working on it, I promise.

Purplerhino is feeding my crack muse too.

Never fear

[smartoompaa.livejournal.com]

This was sooo hilarious! Great job!

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

:D

[flareonfury.livejournal.com]

PLEASE REMEMBER TO TAG YOUR ENTRIES NEXT TIME. THANK YOU. (http://community.livejournal.com/dg_cain/55414.html)

[transgenic-girl.livejournal.com]

SORRY!

Really!

[bee-1103.livejournal.com]

OMG! I crave more crack. Seriously. This is the BEST kind of Cain crack out there. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. (Need I repeat?) Love it. More. I want more. Thank you. : )