dg_cain | The Azkadellia Diaries

Title: The Azkadellia Diaries
Characters/Pairings: Cain/DG, quite possibly some love for Az later on
Author: [info]transgenic_girl
Rated: G
Spoilers/Warnings: Post series, so just have it all spoiled.
Summary: Somehow, for Azkadellia, it was easier to explain herself to a blue bound book with pristine pages than to any person around her. A diary, after all, does not judge you or feel guilt for things that isn’t its fault.
Disclaimer: Tin Man belongs originally to Frank Baum, modified by Sci Fi (as well as just about everyone else). I'm just following their examples and playing in the O.Z.

The Azkadellia Diaries
~January 21st, 401 AD (after Dorothy)~

It’s been two cycles since the Eclipse, and I don’t think I’m any closer to reconciling myself with what happened. I’ve spent a good deal of time with DG’s Viewer friend, Raw. Yet, there seems to be so much that he cannot help me with. Or at least would take annuals to figure everything out, at this snail’s pace.

How does one come to terms with having had someone…something so evil inside their head for most of their life? How do I?

DG worries about me, I know. I have caught her, on more than one occasion, looking at me with this look of guilt on her face. And sometimes I just want to…smack her. Not because I blame her for anything, she was just a child. We were both so very young. But because she cannot move on with her own life if she spends most of her attention on being torn up with intense guilt for an event that was no more her fault than it was mine.

Which is why, when it comes to my nightmares, I cannot speak to her. I would much rather tease her for the blushing way she looks at Mister Cain when she thinks he’s not looking. Not just because it’s altogether adorable, but because she has entirely missed the way he looks back at her when she’s not paying attention.

How can I interrupt that with worrying her by telling her of the things I dream of? If there had been some sort of prophetic aspect to them, I would have told her, told Mother. But they contain nothing of the future, nothing solid and nothing besides figments of my own imagination. My powers do not extend in that direction. It isn’t a Gale ability that I know of.

In any case, they’re mostly a mashing of the horrid past with the present.

Memories mostly, more than dreams. Memories I would happily forget, relegate to nothingness. I am more than half tempted to ask Mother to hide the memories from me, but I know that even if she had that massive amount of power any longer, that memory spells often have unintended consequences.

DG’s own retrieval of her hidden memories has been arduous, and not much has been recovered. Whether or not that has anything to do with the fact that she had been a young child, only eight annuals old, at the time is unknown.

I would love to know a night’s rest, uninterrupted. Many take it for granted, and I don’t begrudge them that privilege, I just wish I could find some peace myself.

Oh dear. I must go. DG seems to have…had yet another run in with the Royal Seamstress. Most everyone knows when Deeg‘s been to the Seamstress, and they‘d had another row over her insistence on wearing pants, she tends to…go to extremes to prove that she could dress much worse. I don’t think that this latest outfit is strictly Court appropriate, as it seems to be bright blue and no bigger than the Otherside underwear she wears. On the positive side, Mister Cain looks entirely red cheeked, especially after she strutted past him.

They’re nothing if not entertaining.