Breach (4/4)
Mar. 15th, 2008 09:26 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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dg_cainTitle: Breach
Author:![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
effie214
Betas/Cheerleaders Extraordinaire:chichuri, alamo_girl80, queenof1000days
Characters/Pairing: DG, Cain, Azkadellia, Raw, Kalm; mentions of Glitch, the Queen, and the RoboRents. DG/Cain angst.
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Summary: He'd left of his own volition, and here she was, rushing back to his side.
Warnings: Hurray for angst.
Disclaimer: The characters herein do not belong to me. No infringement is intended.
Previous story found here.
Part One found here.
Part Two found here.
Part Three found here.
Well, here it is. I hope it was worth the wait.
As always, comments/feedback are hung on my fridge next to my "World Series Champion" Red Sox bumper stickers. :)
Author:
effie214Betas/Cheerleaders Extraordinaire:
chichuri, alamo_girl80, queenof1000daysCharacters/Pairing: DG, Cain, Azkadellia, Raw, Kalm; mentions of Glitch, the Queen, and the RoboRents. DG/Cain angst.
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Summary: He'd left of his own volition, and here she was, rushing back to his side.
Warnings: Hurray for angst.
Disclaimer: The characters herein do not belong to me. No infringement is intended.
Previous story found here.
Part One found here.
Part Two found here.
Part Three found here.
Well, here it is. I hope it was worth the wait.
As always, comments/feedback are hung on my fridge next to my "World Series Champion" Red Sox bumper stickers. :)
They squeaked and squished their way through the tower, murmuring apologetically at the maids as they plodded down to DG’s room. Az insisted they both bathe and change before heading back to the Infirmary. It wouldn’t do to have the youngest princess infect an already frail Tin Man.
As fast as she had run to get to his side in the first place, DG moved hesitantly the second time. Seeing him in his present condition wasn’t what scared her. Even him dying wasn’t the largest concern looming on her horizon.
What terrified her most was what happened if he woke up.
She could stay and take her chances, jump right back into that which she‘d so arduously pulled herself from.
She could run to save her heart, her sanity, her life.
She realized with an aching, nervous heart that there was no point in running unless he ran with her. The solitary life she’d been living--while she did it on her own time, on her own terms--it simply didn’t mean as much without him right next to her.
DG squared her shoulders, preparing for combat. Walking with renewed vigor and strength into the medical ward, she checked on Raw first, pleased to see he was recovering nicely.
Her heart hammered erratically in her chest as she approached Cain’s bed, her confident steps faltering the closer she got. She looked away from his injured face and stared at the chair next to his bed.
One step. All it would take was one step.
One step forward, two steps back, her head reminded her.
She stepped forward anyway.
Her hands curled around his forearm as she sat down, and DG bent her head, trying to find some of the strength Az had promised her was there.
DG didn’t leave Cain’s side for the next two days. She did, however, fall asleep, which is how she missed his waking up.
As his stirrings in the bed became more insistent, she thundered awake, snapping her head forward with a grimace. When ice blue eyes met her own gaze, the tears she’d obstinately refused to let fall during the past days escaped. “Hey,” she managed weakly.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was faint, rough from disuse.
“Oh, you know, I was in the neighborhood.” She removed one of her hands from his and wiped her eyes. “I’d ask how you were feeling, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer.”
His eyes slid shut, and her heartbeat stopped, thinking he’d slipped away again. It roared back to life as he spoke, beating loudly in her chest.
“What happened?”
Her hesitation caused him to open his eyes again, wincing as the minute movement set his pain receptors afire. “I don’t know all the details,” she finally replied. At the questioning semi-quirk of his eyebrow, she said, “I didn’t want to know what happened to you. I didn’t think you’d want me to.”
The flinch that crossed his face the second time had nothing to do with physical pain. “DG…”
“You need to rest,” she insisted, and Cain shook his head, reaching his right hand from his side and covering hers where it still rested on his left forearm.
“You need to know something. Several somethings, in fact.”
“Not now.”
“Now’s all I’ve got, kiddo. I‘m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“I’ve never understood that saying,” she commented idly, her flight response sputtering to life. “Why would you want to look a horse in the mouth anyway? Rather disgusting, if you ask me.”
There was no humor to his voice, only annoyance at her avoidance. “Knock it off, DG. I’m serious.”
DG sighed heavily, equally annoyed, but didn’t dissent again. Cain cleared his throat and licked his lips, mostly from nerves. DG knew this, but helped him sip water as though his condition had caused the wear.
After a deep swallow and an even deeper breath, he continued. “I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“I am, too. I shouldn’t have sprung everything on you like that.”
It took him a moment to understand they were talking about two separate things. “No, I’m not sorry about that. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for walking away.”
“Oh.”
This wasn’t what either of them had expected to say to the other when the time for their eventual reunification, whatever form it took, came. They were back in foreign waters again, the territory no longer placid. The waves built around them, pushing them together then wrenching them apart.
Cain waited for her to reach out, as she always did. When he realized she wouldn’t, he felt worse than all of his injuries could ever make him hurt.
Her light had dimmed in their time apart. She’d hardened, broken.
Just as he had.
Clearing his throat, Cain tried again, steeling himself to be her support, just as she had been his, whether she knew it or not. “I lied to you before.”
DG’s chest tightened as hurt settled in her heart. “About being sorry?”
“Gods, no.” He was really screwing this up. “I told you that day that I could do…this…without you. That’s not true. Not anymore, at least.”
She wanted to hope. She wanted to believe. But it refused to come easily. “You left because of me.”
“I came back because of you.”
DG nodded once in semi-acknowledgement, looking across the room and focusing on a crack running the length of the stone wall. “I don’t know if I can do this, Cain.”
Their tenuous house of cards fell at his feet, his wishes and faith tumbling along with them. “Can’t or won’t?”
“Either. Both. What happened…I won’t lie to you. It nearly killed me. But I came back. I came out the other side. I don’t know if I can open myself up to the possibility you might change your mind and walk away from me again.”
Cain had always been the stoic one, the one with the impenetrable walls. She’d learned a thing or two from him.
How it hurt him to see her like this. This wasn’t the headstrong girl he’d fallen in love with, the curious Other Sider who’d charged in to save a family she didn’t know, wielding only a stick and a will of iron and foolhardiness. This wasn’t the woman who showed him compassion and love, and had given back his life. This wasn’t the woman who didn’t back down.
Cain tried again. “I’ve never taken much stock in faith, or feelings. Always thought it was horseshit. But that…that changed a bit when I met you. You believe in everyone, whether you know them or not, whether they give you reason to or not. No matter who they are, who they‘ve been, or what they‘ve done, you find the good in them. You give them a chance. The least I could have done was repay you the same courtesy.”
DG’s chin began to tremble, and two traitorous tears escaped before she clamped her eyes shut to forestall the others. She was still overcome by the desire to flee, but the fight in her stepped in and leveled the battlefield.
You believe in everyone, no matter who they are. His words echoed in her head. Does everyone include yourself, DG?
“You said you couldn’t love me.” She needed clarification, reassurance, something tangible to keep her by his side.
“I never said I didn’t love you. And I found out pretty damn fast I had little choice in the matter.”
Questions and doubts still pervaded her mind. What Cain was saying, while she had longed to hear them, were just words. They were not a plan. Cain had always been a man of action, and was now relying solely on sentiment to convince her. She’d turned into a woman who thought before she acted, who looked before she leapt. Her head, not her heart, had been her guide of late. And now he was asking her to push aside logic and reason, and leap into the void with only the promise of tomorrow to hang on to.
Could they go forward as paradoxical, as umatched, as changed as they were?
Probably not.
DG sat back in her chair, hands shaking slightly as they rested within Cain’s. Giving in to him, no matter how they’d changed, didn’t ensure her the happy ending she’d once believed in. The other shoe could drop at any time, and she’d be back in the darkness, drifting aimlessly again.
As she looked back down at Cain, preparing to tell him no, she thought back to Az’s words: It’s worth it to try. As she searched the Tin Man’s face, watching the eyes she’d lost herself in on countless occasions, DG remembered their journey through the O.Z., and the wholehearted faith she'd put in him, despite how little she knew him. She knew so much more now; knew more of the strength and the faith rooted deeply within the two of them as individuals; knew more of the strength of the ties that bound them together. If there was any time to believe in Wyatt Cain, this was it.
They couldn't take the next step in their current relationship. But they could start a new one. Find the path of least--oh, hell, who was she kidding?--most resistance together. They could tear down the other’s roadblocks, learn each other again, find the answers to the questions that had plagued them for so long.
The filter she’d grown accustomed to using shut off, allowing her next words to slide forth with an ease long forgotten. “It’s not going to be easy.”
He smiled as best he could, his eyes picking up the remainder of the response when his mouth could not. “When is it ever with the two of us?”
The tumultuousness of the pairing would inevitably cause one to crash into the other, pushing them back into deeper water. But the waters around them were as tranquil as they’d ever experienced together, and now they had a lifeguard, someone to pull them out and breathe them back to life when necessary.
Now they had someone--each other--to hang on to.
It wouldn’t be hearts and flowers, midnight strolls by the lake with flowing declarations of love. It wouldn’t be poetic marriage proposals with a string quartet hovering in the background.
It wouldn’t be without loud fights and slamming doors. It wouldn’t be without gritted teeth, clenched jaws, clamped fists, words of frustration.
It wouldn’t be graceful or simple. It would be flawed and confused.
It would be honest, stubborn, real.
Just like the two of them.
And they were just fine with that.
FIN
As fast as she had run to get to his side in the first place, DG moved hesitantly the second time. Seeing him in his present condition wasn’t what scared her. Even him dying wasn’t the largest concern looming on her horizon.
What terrified her most was what happened if he woke up.
She could stay and take her chances, jump right back into that which she‘d so arduously pulled herself from.
She could run to save her heart, her sanity, her life.
She realized with an aching, nervous heart that there was no point in running unless he ran with her. The solitary life she’d been living--while she did it on her own time, on her own terms--it simply didn’t mean as much without him right next to her.
DG squared her shoulders, preparing for combat. Walking with renewed vigor and strength into the medical ward, she checked on Raw first, pleased to see he was recovering nicely.
Her heart hammered erratically in her chest as she approached Cain’s bed, her confident steps faltering the closer she got. She looked away from his injured face and stared at the chair next to his bed.
One step. All it would take was one step.
One step forward, two steps back, her head reminded her.
She stepped forward anyway.
Her hands curled around his forearm as she sat down, and DG bent her head, trying to find some of the strength Az had promised her was there.
DG didn’t leave Cain’s side for the next two days. She did, however, fall asleep, which is how she missed his waking up.
As his stirrings in the bed became more insistent, she thundered awake, snapping her head forward with a grimace. When ice blue eyes met her own gaze, the tears she’d obstinately refused to let fall during the past days escaped. “Hey,” she managed weakly.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was faint, rough from disuse.
“Oh, you know, I was in the neighborhood.” She removed one of her hands from his and wiped her eyes. “I’d ask how you were feeling, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer.”
His eyes slid shut, and her heartbeat stopped, thinking he’d slipped away again. It roared back to life as he spoke, beating loudly in her chest.
“What happened?”
Her hesitation caused him to open his eyes again, wincing as the minute movement set his pain receptors afire. “I don’t know all the details,” she finally replied. At the questioning semi-quirk of his eyebrow, she said, “I didn’t want to know what happened to you. I didn’t think you’d want me to.”
The flinch that crossed his face the second time had nothing to do with physical pain. “DG…”
“You need to rest,” she insisted, and Cain shook his head, reaching his right hand from his side and covering hers where it still rested on his left forearm.
“You need to know something. Several somethings, in fact.”
“Not now.”
“Now’s all I’ve got, kiddo. I‘m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“I’ve never understood that saying,” she commented idly, her flight response sputtering to life. “Why would you want to look a horse in the mouth anyway? Rather disgusting, if you ask me.”
There was no humor to his voice, only annoyance at her avoidance. “Knock it off, DG. I’m serious.”
DG sighed heavily, equally annoyed, but didn’t dissent again. Cain cleared his throat and licked his lips, mostly from nerves. DG knew this, but helped him sip water as though his condition had caused the wear.
After a deep swallow and an even deeper breath, he continued. “I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“I am, too. I shouldn’t have sprung everything on you like that.”
It took him a moment to understand they were talking about two separate things. “No, I’m not sorry about that. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for walking away.”
“Oh.”
This wasn’t what either of them had expected to say to the other when the time for their eventual reunification, whatever form it took, came. They were back in foreign waters again, the territory no longer placid. The waves built around them, pushing them together then wrenching them apart.
Cain waited for her to reach out, as she always did. When he realized she wouldn’t, he felt worse than all of his injuries could ever make him hurt.
Her light had dimmed in their time apart. She’d hardened, broken.
Just as he had.
Clearing his throat, Cain tried again, steeling himself to be her support, just as she had been his, whether she knew it or not. “I lied to you before.”
DG’s chest tightened as hurt settled in her heart. “About being sorry?”
“Gods, no.” He was really screwing this up. “I told you that day that I could do…this…without you. That’s not true. Not anymore, at least.”
She wanted to hope. She wanted to believe. But it refused to come easily. “You left because of me.”
“I came back because of you.”
DG nodded once in semi-acknowledgement, looking across the room and focusing on a crack running the length of the stone wall. “I don’t know if I can do this, Cain.”
Their tenuous house of cards fell at his feet, his wishes and faith tumbling along with them. “Can’t or won’t?”
“Either. Both. What happened…I won’t lie to you. It nearly killed me. But I came back. I came out the other side. I don’t know if I can open myself up to the possibility you might change your mind and walk away from me again.”
Cain had always been the stoic one, the one with the impenetrable walls. She’d learned a thing or two from him.
How it hurt him to see her like this. This wasn’t the headstrong girl he’d fallen in love with, the curious Other Sider who’d charged in to save a family she didn’t know, wielding only a stick and a will of iron and foolhardiness. This wasn’t the woman who showed him compassion and love, and had given back his life. This wasn’t the woman who didn’t back down.
Cain tried again. “I’ve never taken much stock in faith, or feelings. Always thought it was horseshit. But that…that changed a bit when I met you. You believe in everyone, whether you know them or not, whether they give you reason to or not. No matter who they are, who they‘ve been, or what they‘ve done, you find the good in them. You give them a chance. The least I could have done was repay you the same courtesy.”
DG’s chin began to tremble, and two traitorous tears escaped before she clamped her eyes shut to forestall the others. She was still overcome by the desire to flee, but the fight in her stepped in and leveled the battlefield.
You believe in everyone, no matter who they are. His words echoed in her head. Does everyone include yourself, DG?
“You said you couldn’t love me.” She needed clarification, reassurance, something tangible to keep her by his side.
“I never said I didn’t love you. And I found out pretty damn fast I had little choice in the matter.”
Questions and doubts still pervaded her mind. What Cain was saying, while she had longed to hear them, were just words. They were not a plan. Cain had always been a man of action, and was now relying solely on sentiment to convince her. She’d turned into a woman who thought before she acted, who looked before she leapt. Her head, not her heart, had been her guide of late. And now he was asking her to push aside logic and reason, and leap into the void with only the promise of tomorrow to hang on to.
Could they go forward as paradoxical, as umatched, as changed as they were?
Probably not.
DG sat back in her chair, hands shaking slightly as they rested within Cain’s. Giving in to him, no matter how they’d changed, didn’t ensure her the happy ending she’d once believed in. The other shoe could drop at any time, and she’d be back in the darkness, drifting aimlessly again.
As she looked back down at Cain, preparing to tell him no, she thought back to Az’s words: It’s worth it to try. As she searched the Tin Man’s face, watching the eyes she’d lost herself in on countless occasions, DG remembered their journey through the O.Z., and the wholehearted faith she'd put in him, despite how little she knew him. She knew so much more now; knew more of the strength and the faith rooted deeply within the two of them as individuals; knew more of the strength of the ties that bound them together. If there was any time to believe in Wyatt Cain, this was it.
They couldn't take the next step in their current relationship. But they could start a new one. Find the path of least--oh, hell, who was she kidding?--most resistance together. They could tear down the other’s roadblocks, learn each other again, find the answers to the questions that had plagued them for so long.
The filter she’d grown accustomed to using shut off, allowing her next words to slide forth with an ease long forgotten. “It’s not going to be easy.”
He smiled as best he could, his eyes picking up the remainder of the response when his mouth could not. “When is it ever with the two of us?”
The tumultuousness of the pairing would inevitably cause one to crash into the other, pushing them back into deeper water. But the waters around them were as tranquil as they’d ever experienced together, and now they had a lifeguard, someone to pull them out and breathe them back to life when necessary.
Now they had someone--each other--to hang on to.
It wouldn’t be hearts and flowers, midnight strolls by the lake with flowing declarations of love. It wouldn’t be poetic marriage proposals with a string quartet hovering in the background.
It wouldn’t be without loud fights and slamming doors. It wouldn’t be without gritted teeth, clenched jaws, clamped fists, words of frustration.
It wouldn’t be graceful or simple. It would be flawed and confused.
It would be honest, stubborn, real.
Just like the two of them.
And they were just fine with that.
FIN
no subject
Date: 2008-03-16 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-16 02:12 am (UTC)But thank you so much for reading, and for your lovely comment. I really appreciate it. :)